A day in the life of Action Kate
In my youth–back in the olden days when I had to walk to school five miles barefoot in the snow–Kate Middleton photos were a rarity. Like a whackamole, she’d pop up suddenly and without warning–at Epsom Derby Day, exiting Boujis, wearing a Dr. Zhivago hat at Cheltenham–only to rehibernate for months on end in her Chelsea cave of unmarried-sadness, where she presumably spent all her time painting her nails, brushing her hair, and muttering to her reflection in the mirror as she plotted how ONE DAY she would have her revenge and reign over us all.
My friends! That glorious day has come! Duchess Kate sightings are now two a penny, and the hair’s magical unicorn power has obviously been unleashed. Recently, Kate was getting flak in the press for spending $54,000 on clothing in the first half of 2012 alone, so today she was all, “Oh, hell, no!” and showed up at Bacon’s College in Rotherhithe (just across the Thames from BritKath!) wearing a $55 Hobbs dress. Rubbing in her insouciant fabulosity a bit more, Kate proceeded to show off her mad skillz in a variety of pursuits, from table tennis to romancing Princes.
We present: a day in the life of Action Kate.
What, you just stand there and look pretty in your dresses? Kate PLAYS SOCCER. (Or football. Whatever.)
Pick Us, pick Us! We shall do Judo next!
We have many talents! Table tennis, anyone?
“Hahahaha! We are so amused!”
:Meanwhile Harry quietly pouts in the corner and wonders when he, too, will find love:
But, lo! What have we here?
Kate laughs, content in the knowledge that she wins at life.